You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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