apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize