So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Randomize
