This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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