i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
