I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
