Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
