Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
