Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
