Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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