We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
