Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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