I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
