Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
