Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
