It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
