If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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