Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
