He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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