New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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