You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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