Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My vagina is officially offended.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
