WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
