every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
