I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
