Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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