Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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