is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Someone came in the potted fern
I need water and some morals
Randomize
