i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
