He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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