I must be too annoying 4 u.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
