Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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