She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
