i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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