Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
