You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
