I skipped work to stalk him.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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