I think I am morally bankrupt
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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