So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
