woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
