i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Send help, water and tortillas.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
