why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
