Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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