Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
