I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
