Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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