you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
