mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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