im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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