Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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