When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
