Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Randomize
