i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
