Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
