He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
