lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
