she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
