you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
